Any Given - Phoenix's Ashes [ edit | delete ]
By Adam Knoll | November 20, 2010 at 08:07 PM EST | No Comments (0 new)
“This game has got to be about more than winning. You're part of something here... along the way, I want you to cherish it, because when it's gone, it's gone forever.”
When I got this crazy idea to start up a team at the end of the 2009 season, people wondered what I was truly up to. I had no capital (shocker: I was broke), no funding, no sponsors, and no recruiting networks. What I did have was a town, a nice startup roster, and a website; that and a decent reputation for being a tireless worker. Yet I don’t think I’d be far off if I said most didn’t think too much of my prospects, and after a 1-9 season (for whatever the reasons), the jury is still out for some. That’s fine, I can accept that.
I presented the logo of this team, the mascot, the Phoenix, up to the new teams board and you could see the presumptions and questions. What does the Phoenix mean? Was it a stab at my former team? Was I trying to capitalize on how I took over the GFL website during the year, a quick grab while I was known? Was it egotistical? Was it in reference that maybe if I tried it on my own I could outperform everyone? As it was remarked at my first Owners meeting, a Phoenix is a mythical bird that rises from the ashes. Yet, the ashes of what; and in most minds, the ashes of whom?
One could easily make the connection it is out of the ashes of my own past. Before I joined up on the Storm in the winter of ’07, I was a 23 year old kid barely a year opposite of a foreclosed house and freshly out of a divorce. I was down, out, and by all accounts a pretty sad case. I showed up for a ‘practice’ and it turned out to be a 5-5 backyard game, by the end of the day I had signed a contract and basically let the wind take me. I needed a shot, and I got one….and I’m still utterly grateful to this day.
Fast forward to the beginning of the Phoenix, and it could be easy to think that ‘from the ashes’ came about from the breakup from the Storm. Even most of the players who went with me were convinced that’s what it meant. Considering the talent level on that team and the results we obtained, I’m sure many thought there was a huge rift between the two parties. If fact, there wasn’t. I don’t hate Rick, and Rick does not hate me, in fact, I’d still consider him a friend if he considers me one. Yet the breakup was ugly, feelings were hurt and, well…it was a more difficult decision than I thought it would be.
So then, why? Why did this happen and what were the reasons? Well, on one end it was indeed that I wanted to see if I could do it. After helping extensively with the Storm, I wanted to see if I could transfer over those attributes without the safety net. It really had less to do with getting away than what was widely reported. I saw an opportunity, I had good backing and I took a shot. In life, you can’t find out unless you try, and well…if there is one thing I can’t seem to get away from it’s the damn frying pan. I don’t know how to simply lower myself into anything; it’s either everything, or nothing.
In truth, the Phoenix indeed does stand for the past, yet it’s the past that every one of my players has. The Phoenix, to me, is my shot to not screw it up again. Like I said, I lost a house, I lost a wife, I squandered talent, college and many other things on my way to a dark sad room in the middle of that winter in ’07. This is my shot, has been my shot, to do things right. If it fails, at least this time I can say unequivocally I have done everything I could to make it work (and to some of you, I’ve even become quite the pest). That’s not something I could have said about any of my previous adventures. In my past, I often called myself ‘the failure’, and I still am, yet I have one bright light I can hold onto (and two others, my son, and my wife –in 8 days).
And that’s something I hope it becomes to my players. Look, we all have made mistakes. We all have been in places where we didn’t give everything we could, and we regretted it. We still regret it, it eats at us, and we just don’t tell others. This is a chance to end that, and at least in one aspect do things right. I stressed this to the guys last year, and the ones who bought in are the guys who really feel like they are a part of something here. This is about more than football, more than wins, and losses and margins of victory. This is about, in two, three, five years when you’re done; you say ‘I have no regrets about that’. Because, even after all that has happened here, I still wouldn’t trade it for anything. This is mine…this is yours, if you chose to own that piece of it.
The past may suck, yet the present doesn’t have to. It may be painful to look back…yet I find that’s the best place to start. And you may never get another shot; you don’t know when your last game is, your last play, your last moment playing this beautiful game. Let’s do it right while we are here.
“This game has got to be about more than winning. You're part of something here... along the way, I want you to cherish it, because when it's gone, it's gone forever.”
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